The 'Cash Me Ousside' girl makes more in one night than you do all year
Welcome to this week's installment of "Why the fuck am I even trying?"
Today we'll be talking about Danielle Bregoli, the 13-year-old genius that doesn't know she's a genius yet dominating more headlines than Kim Kardashian, Kanye West and Beyoncé combined. She quickly came up in the world because of an appearance a few months back on the Dr. Phil show — one that showcased her shitty attitude toward shitty adults in such a hilarious light that the dependable underlings of Internet had no choice but to flip her into a meme.
Since, the little girl has played America for the fool it is, pulling in stupid amounts of cash through her merchandise website and even now commanding a cool $40,000 just to show up to places.
That's right, she's pulling in more cash to walk through a doorway than you are working your ass off from noon to midnight or whatever other crappy hours you're stuck with this week because Kyle is sick again.
According to TMZ, Bregoli "is making more than $40k to do a meet and greet in May with fans at the Rolling Loud Music Festival." The owner of the company is also going to help throw her 14-year-old birthday party, one where she gets a cut of the ticket sales. The article goes on to say that a bar even offered her a measly $5,000 and she just laughed at them.
- A 13-year-old girl talked shit on Dr. Phil and became famous.
- Said girl turns mad profit on merch directly thereafter (including the $250 'YUP A BLANKET HO').
- A remix of her catch-phrase blasted to No. 88 on the Billboard Hot 100.
- As barely a teenager, she's already turned down a bar's offer of $5,000 just to show up.
- Regardless of all the street fights she keeps getting in, at 13-years-old, she's being considered by multiple studios for a reality show.
Which all couldn't be any more fascinating, right? Here we are, at one of the most contentious points in recent history as a country and a manner-less 13-year-old is out there playing the system that's in place solely because we're all shitty fucking people.
It's not her that's the problem, is it? She has no idea what the real world is like yet, she's barely a teenager — she was born after Facebook became popular. But yet here she is, exploiting not only an insatiable addiction to mass consumerism, but is also allowing everyone's flippant outrage to directly impact her bank account. She doesn't know it yet, but she's smarter than most business owners out there currently on the grind probably about to fail. Being able to capture an audience is expensive and excruciatingly difficult, yet here she is having everyone else do the work for her.
Screw it, she's young. So long as she's stockpiling the stupid amount of cash before the whole thing fades, she's going to be just fine.
Crazier things have happened.