As the mystery of female sexuality begins to unravel more with the passage of time and the explosion of media, it's always fascinating to see what secret kinks and fetishes women have that they're just now beginning to talk about.
But even though it's become more socially acceptable for women to assert their sexuality, there's still a good chance your chick is way kinkier than she lets on.
Here are a few female fetishes your pea brain probably had no idea she had, and what to do about them.
1. Group sex with a (gulp) bunch of dudes
It's common, Wikipedia-able knowledge that women experience sexuality in a much more fluid way than most men do, so it's no secret that many (up to 43 percent) of women are turned on by the idea of a threesome with another chick. Yep; we know!
However, a lesser-talked about and much more taboo fantasy many women have is group sex with a bunch of dudes. According to our recent 2016 sex survey, 41 percent of women's dream threesome is with two males (MMF), and women are 80 percent more likely to watch gangbang porn than men are for the sheer reason that when it comes to dick, the more, the merrier.
Females are also, in general, much more likely to search for threesome and group sex porn; 75 percent more often in fact. This shows that for many women, there's an inherent interest in being overpowered, or at the least flooded with sensation, two thing that are panty-soaking because it makes it hard to concentrate on anything else. It's hard for women to verbalize this sometimes, for the sheer fact that telling a man you want to be overcome with cock can bruise his fragile male ego and ellicit the type of sadly uneducated slut shaming that makes it easier to keep this fantasy private. So, if you're interested in your chick's private sexual makeup, this might be something you have to ask her about before she tells you.
Make it happen: Ask her if she's attracted to any of her or your male friends and whether she'd consider having a threesome with you and him. If she's repulsed, drop it. But if she's into it … call him up and win the International Boyfriend/ Fuck Buddy of the Year award.
2. Some variation of BDSM
Whether it's being restrained, getting spanked, blindfolding you or skirting the razor-thin line between pleasure and pain, most women (62 percent) are into some aspect of BDSM.
As the Inquisitor reports about women's porn-viewing habits: "Women show a strong preference for sado-maschistic adult video viewing, with the terms 'rough sex' and 'bondage' both appearing in the top 16 search terms for women, but not for men."
The control aspect in particular is a huge fantasy for women, who reported in our sex survey that one of the most important things they wish men knew was that they like to submit. In fact, in the survey, submission was the #1 fantasy women reported, with 21 percent of them saying they'd love to be dominated. By contrast, 10 percent of women fantasized more about dominating their partner instead. Of course, domination and submission are not mutually exclusive, and they barely scratch the surface of what makes up BDSM, but at the very least, playing around with these dynamics can help lead you into a direction in which you can explore more specific techniques.
Make it happen: Have an open, honest conversation with her about her feelings on BDSM. It's such a broad term, and it's comprised of so many categories, that the only way to make her BDSM fantasies happen for her is to talk at length about what facets of it turn her on. She may not quite know, so try suggesting to her different scenarios in which she plays both the dominant and submissive roles, see what she likes, then go from there. Or, she might know exactly what kinky BDSM variation she's into, so listen to her describe that fantasy in detail and try your best to replicate it for her. Good boy.
3. Public sex
Exhibitionism plays into the incredibly hot concept of vulnerability, something that often exacerbates women's feeling of arousal.
So, it's not surprising that 41 percent of our female readers would be down to let someone watch them have sex. Whether that's in public, in private with a third person or over a webcam is irrelevant; the point is that many women are aroused by the idea of becoming a spectacle and receiving admiration and lust from multiple viewers. It's hot as fuck to know that people want you, but can't have you … or at the very least that you're getting someone off at a distance without even having to touch them.
Make it happen: Having sex in your car in a semi-crowded area where people could see if you if they were looking hard enough is a handy little way to get into public sex. Fucking in the bathroom at a crowded party, fingering her under the table at a restaurant, having sex in plain view in front of your consenting friends or doing shit to each other over a webcam or FaceTime are also great ways to ease into it before you flat out start fucking on the highway median.
4. Watching men have sex
A small but robust population of ladies have figured out that the best way blow a dude's mind in bed is to glean moves from gay porn. It makes sense; when you have the equipment, you know how to use it, so seeing men handle each other in ways only they'd know to is educational, to say the least.
Plus, man-on-man sex is the pulsating pinnacle of masculinity. If you're a chick and you're aroused by dicks and 100 percent pure, Grade A testosterone, watching two or more dudes sensually fuck can be the hottest thing on earth.
In fact, while girl-on-girl porn is the #1 most watched porn category for women, guy-on-guy is #2.
Make it happen: If you're cool with it, watch gay porn together and tell her what the guys on screen are doing right so she can take those moves and use them on you. Or, if you've got a bisexual streak, let her watch you make out with another dude in front of her. Or … or! If you're entirely not into being a part of this fantasy for her, no worries, you're not expected to be. This is one of those things she can, and does, take care of on her own. You just get bonus points if you can help her out.
5. "Forced" sex
Rape fantasies are, without a doubt, one of the most taboo fantasies and arguably the hardest to talk about, yet they're surprisingly common. According to Psychology Today, about four in 10 women admit having them (31 to 57 percent), and they have them on average of about once a month.
Rape fantasies can be either erotic or aversive. In erotic fantasies, the woman thinks: "I'm being forced and I enjoy it." In aversive fantasies, she thinks: "I'm being forced and I hate it." Forty-five-percent of the women in a survey published in the Journal of Sexual Research had fantasies that were entirely erotic. Nine percent were entirely aversive. And 46 percent were mixed.
What does it mean that some women are aroused by the fantasy of a thing that could also be a devastatingly traumatic experience? Only that there's a huge difference between fantasy and reality. When rape fantasies stay in fantasy world, or are acted out upon consensually in a scene, they are no different from any other fantasies. They are neither wrong nor perverted. They imply nothing about one's mental health or real-life sexual inclinations. They just happen, to somewhere around half of women, probably because there's something erotic about a woman being so desirable that the man (or woman) they're with loses all control.
Make it happen: Let her plan exactly what's going to happen so that it's entirely consensual and she's in control of the action. If there's something you want to incorporate into the scene, ask her first and don't spring anything unexpected onto her while you're doing it (unless she's given you permission to). Have a plan for how to stop if things go sour, too. This includes things like using a safe word, preparing for possibility that she'll change her mind about what she's comfortable with mid-way through, allowing for communication during the scene to check in with each other, double-triple-quadruple checking consent and planning for some kind of after-sex debriefing to discuss what just happened. Also, with this particular fantasy, never assume that your chick is into it. This, more than anything else, is something you talk about at length before doing.
6. Orgies
Orgies are kind of the perfect fantasy for women, because they combine aspects of so many others, such as exhibitionism, multiple partners, sensory overload and same-sex experimentation. Regrettably, there's little-to-no data on the percentage of women who fantasize about them, or have actually participated in them, but women's porn habits reveal that group sex is by far a bigger turn on for them than it is for men.
Make it happen: Orgies, at least the ones that aren't populated by middle-aged tan couples on permanent Spring Break, can be kind of hard to find, but the fetish social network FetLife has an event feature that lists all the upcoming ones in your area. You may have to pass a few membership hurdles to attend, but some are free and for anyone. Or, if you want to curate your attendants, host your own.
7. Erotic massage
There is a ton of erotic massage porn on the internet. Most of it features relaxed chicks getting pampered with oily rubdowns from insanely hot masseuses, who tease them with a regular massage before slowly working their way towards their private parts. Then, they perform some anatomically perfect clitoral/vaginal massage on the lucky recipient, something that's hot as all fuck to watch because it's something entirely different than seeing some chick get pounded by a faceless dude with a rat tail and tribal belly button tattoo. Instead, the motions are soft, deliberate, well-lubricated and and physiologically correct, and if you're a human with a vaginal, you couldn't really ask for a combination better than that.
Make it happen: Watch as many of these videos as you can to see what techniques the masseuses use, then set up your own massage situation in your house. Like a boss.
8. Cuckolding
As many as 14 percent of women have admitted to being aroused by cuckolding, i.e., having sex with another person while their partner watches.
This isn't news to Erika Lust, creator of the feminist porn movement, who has been crowdsourcing and asking women to come up with porn ideas in her latest project, XConfessions. Salon reports "At XConfessions, Lust has a unique vantage point into what women find sexy, and is both shaping and being shaped by these ideas. The most popular themes are infidelity-based group sex in which a partner invites others to enjoy their significant other."
Make it happen: This one's hard if you're at all the jealous or hyper-monogamous type, but if you can put that aside for a tiny second, you can chose a friend or source a stranger you'd be comfortable with watching her hook up with, then invite them over. All three of you should talk about how far you're all comfortable with going; it may be that you're only okay with watching her make out with another guy or a girl … or it may be that you're also insanely turned on by the prospect of watching her get laid in front of your eyes. Talk about it, come to a mutual agreement, and take things slowly to make sure you're actually as comfortable with it as you said you were. Or, if you have zero desire to help her live this out in real life, you can try out much more topical versions of cuckolding like watching cuckolding porn together, or letting her point out people she'd like to fuck to you without actually doing anything about it.
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