9 Batshit crazy ways drugs are being smuggled into America

9 Batshit crazy ways drugs are being smuggled into America

VicesNovember 10, 2017 By Brian Frederick

Drug cartels are an enterprising crowd. Regardless of how illegal American authorities have made their goods over the past 7 or so decades, the underground corporations worth billions still find a way to deliver narcotics — one of the United State's most sought after consumer products.

Getting the supply to the demand is a challenging task, however. Yet over the years, agents have become quite adept at figuring out the crafty ways in which smugglers do the things they do. From sophisticated tunnels to swallowing pounds of cocaine — to just outright chucking it over the fence and hoping for the best — the battle between warring factions is still as strong as it ever has been. 

Cannabis Catapults

Recently, border agents watched a group of men flee from a portion of an existing wall between the Mexican and U.S. border. Upon further inspection, a catapult was found attached to the south side of the structure — and 47 pounds of marijuana nearby on the American side. Which begs the question: Who is still smuggling sub-par Mexican weed into America in 2017?

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Planes

If you've ever seen any of the Hollywood drug movies based on real events, you're well aware that cartel connections run deep. So it's not surprising that a few weeks ago, a plane mechanic in Tulsa, Oklahoma, found 31 pounds of cocaine shoved up the nose of a American Airlines passenger plane. The pun game is strong on this one.

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Fake Food

In early February of this year, officials found 4,000 pounds of weed wrapped in green tape just enough to look like a shipment of limes. The agents claim that there were over 34,000 of these things, proving you might not have the shittiest job in the world after all. Right now, there are people frantically taping blocks of weed to look like food, just like these that have also been confiscated:

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Frozen Sharks

If you can ship it, you can stuff it; at least that's what creative smugglers are learning. Like this poor shark that lost its life not only for the rabid consumption of humans, but also for its carcass to be used as a shipping container for cocaine and heroin. Sad!

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Tunnels

More than 100 tunnels carved into the earth have been found that are used to move things in and out of our country. Most of them are nicer than everyone's apartment, too, with working electricity, A/C, conveyance systems and the inability to hear your upstairs neighbors who always wear shoes with metal spikes and grossly overweight dumbbells attached to them for no reason.

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Drones

Honestly, we all kind of saw this one coming. 

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Submarines

One DIY semi-submersible cargo submarine is capable of hauling up to $750 million worth of blow to a more nondescript part of the coast. In 2016, the U.S. Coast Guard in San Diego claimed to have seized 20 tons of cocaine in a 12 month period, worth an estimated $5.6 billion — a record for the agency. The biggest of which came from a stopped submarine carrying 5,600 pounds, a $73 million street value.

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People

No drug smuggling story would be complete without mentioning the human capabilities of cramming narcotics into orifices. From phony breast implants to outright swallowing hundreds of baggies worth of whatever, using mules is a storied tradition that still continues today. Experts indicate that as little as 10, maybe even 5, percent of mules get caught crossing the border.