An absurd amount of people would give up alcohol to impeach Trump

An absurd amount of people would give up alcohol to impeach Trump

VicesJune 27, 2017 By Isabelle Kohn

For many of us, drinking is the coping mechanism of choice when it comes to dealing with the hurricane-force shit-storm our country is dealing with right now.

However, new research has found that the vast majority of us would happily give up the Red Bull-vodkas if it only meant replacing the person responsible for leading us out of it.

According to a new national survey by Detox.net, 73 percent of Democrats and 17 percent of Republicans say they'd stop drinking completely, and forever, if it meant that Donald Trump would be impeached.

Sounds about right. Everyone knows there's a direct connection between your personal margarita consumption and whose butt occupies the ergonomic swivel-chair in the Oval Office. Margaritas bypass democracy. It's just science.

These findings are actually pretty significant, though, because they show just how far people would be willing to go to, ahem "juice that orange," as it were. And giving up alcohol is a major concession — statistically speaking, people really, really like alcohol. They don't want to give it up.

According to the same survey, 36 percent of men surveyed wouldn't give up drinking if it meant saving someone else's life, and about a fifth of respondents wouldn't even hand over the whiskey-vodkas if doing so put an end to global climate change. That's 20 percent of people who'd rather drink than save the world from imminent and certain demise.

Well ... margaritas are really good.

On the flip side, 30 percent of Republicans said they'd hop on the wagon if the media would only stop painting President Trump as a villain ... because there's nothing that tastes better with the cool, crisp smack of a summer ale than media validation of your own personal biases! Mmm-mm.

Looks like Republicans might get to hold on to their Zima, though. Plans for a Trump impeachment are already underway, as Democrats are currently drafting articles of impeachment for Congress as we speak. Not that it'd be easy — impeachment would require passage in both the Republican-controlled House and Senate, where it would need a two-thirds majority to fly.

But, since that process takes forever, go ahead and keep drinking. You might as well be buzzed if the next four years is going to contain this much drama.