Avoid raising an asshole son with these valuable lifehacks

Avoid raising an asshole son with these valuable lifehacks

CultureDecember 05, 2017 By Stephanie March

You can’t turn on the news or open up any social media page without immediately being bombarded with all the horrendous atrocities some men have been up to over the last several decades.

Which got us thinking.

If you or anyone you know plans on having a son in the near future, try these easy-to-establish hacks for not raising them into a complete asshole.

1. Kindness > Everything

Boys are often rewarded for being rude, crude and dismissive to their peers — and sometimes even adults. This negative behavior is often seen as a sign of strength, yet studies show that when adults cultivate kindness in children, it increases empathy.

Empathetic children have a larger social circle, and are also more successful in school. So instead of encouraging boys to be crass, motivate them to treat others as they want to be treated. It’s not called the Golden Rule for nothin’.

2. Allow Emotions

Some parents encourage their little boys to express themselves in productive ways, though oftentimes only declarations of anger are supported. Unfortunately, when people are persuaded to stifle their true feelings, some individuals begin to feel resentment, and that resentment often turns into rage. The trick here, as with everything else, is balance.

Comforting children when they’re upset doesn't make them “weak.” And if the appearance of “weakness” in a child is anyone's main concern? They need therapy, too.

3. Strength Isn't Abuse

Being a strong man doesn’t give anyone permission to be a disrespectful doucherat with no consideration for others. There’s zero wrong with having a rough and tumble kid, but there is a serious problem if there are no consequences when a child exhibits signs of abusing his peers or even adults.

In the new politically-charged era, it feels like we’re seeing more and more parents excusing aggressive behavior as the norm; by doing this, they're setting up boys to express themselves physically instead of verbally.

Thoughtful reactions show far more strength than beating someone down.

4. Socialization Of Gender

Doctors assert that parents who ensure their little ones experience play time with other genders have more fluid and positive relationships as they grow older. The problem with segregating male children from female peers, it’s said, is that he may then see himself as different, and unless taught otherwise, he will only begin to associate himself with males.

Children have similar interests and there’s no significant difference in how girls and boys play, so let them be free. If someone raises their son to see his female peers as equals (because they are), it's certain a more well-rounded adult will be the result.

5. Make Them Volunteer

There are legal limitations in dealing with work because of age, but there are several local non-profits that will be more than happy to give each child a tour of their facility and/or give them small opportunities to give back to the neighborhood. Volunteering promotes emotional development, creates a strong sense of community, and teaches empathy. Males especially need these experiences to develop positive life/coping skills when faced with adversity and also will gain a greater devotion to lifelong service ethics.

6. Be Honest

Approximately every 98 seconds someone in the U.S. is sexually assaulted. By shielding sons from the reality of sexual assault, we’re only assuring that he may commit the crime without giving a damn about the consequences of his abhorrent behavior.

Teaching children about inappropriate touching can begin at an extremely young age, and the more they understand they have zero claim to another person’s body, the more they will comprehend physical boundaries. Start with the word “consent” — it’s an easy one to grasp.

7. Lead By Example

Pay attention to what children are watching, what’s spoken, and how others are treated. A parent that’s consistently telling sexist jokes or believing there’s such a thing as locker room talk is abnormal. If you ever decide parenting is “your thing,” doing the world a favor by acting like a generous, respectful adult around kids is key.

8. Spend Time

A parents’ job is 100 percent to guide them (especially sons) in the right direction. Though it’s equally important for them to shut their mouths, and listen. Young minds are bombarded with new experiences they often can’t comprehend. Making sure to spend quality time with them helps them process it. It isn’t easy; there’s work and stress and bills — but it’s a chosen path regardless. Logging off Facebook for 20 minutes and having a productive conversation with them about what’s actually going on in this world is a great way to make a difference together.

9. How To Listen

Children are reactive and impulsive; they often don’t listen and this negatively impacts their social interactions. Make certain sons are taught their voice is not the only voice that matters. This small lesson will most definitely help them grow into respectful men.

Individuals who are good listeners are not only more empathetic, but also forge longer-lasting, more fulfilling personal relationships. And frankly, does anyone want the kid who is the asshole using Twitter to emote because he doesn’t have the courage or fortitude to have an actual conversation with another person? Nah. Of course not.

10. Provide Strong Women

The world will be a better place if all boys and young men are raised in the presence of strong, independent women. Make it so. Instead of immersing them in over-sexualized versions of feminine realty, expose them to all things woman. Give them thought-provoking books written by females, teach them about the sexual revolution and why it is so important to women, introduce them to women activists in the community, and overall, teach our young men that the reason the world has been at war, and is in current turmoil is because men have done a great job of fucking things up.

If any change is to occur, it has to start in the home.