• Jul 22

    Wife dies after nude beach blow job jet ski battle

    Nine times out of ten, when you discover your husband orally pleasuring another man at a nude beach, you take your marital problems to the nearest divorce attorney ... not the nearest jet ski, no matter how totally rad and perfect for summer it is. But ever once and a while, there's a rip in the space-time continuum and a couple like Pamela and Michael Doster come along and have a fatal "You were just blowing a dude, dude" fight atop a Sea-Doo.

  • Jul 22

    New music: Blonde Redhead's "Dripping" is summer's sexiest sound

    Last month, Blonde Redhead released the details of their forthcoming ninth album (and first in four years), Barragán, which was more excitement than we thought we could handle. But here to us and you even more worked up about it is their second single from the album, "Dripping." It's a languid, synth-and-bass laden summer anthem that would perfectly accentuate any slow-motion desert pool-orgy scene. Listen.

  • Jul 22

    Please enjoy Jake Reed's insane cartoons about beer, blow, and boobs

    A few months ago, we brought you Episode 1 of Low Hanging Fruit, cartoonist Jake Reed's wholesome animated series about wastoid mongloids doing cocaine off stripper tits on the way to Water World. Don't even make us tell you that shit was hilarious because you know it was; it's been reason we've had to explain to our boss why we're giggling at the computer screen for the last six months.

  • Jul 22

    How to undo everything you've done to your liver by eating

    We often take for granted the amorphous organ resting somewhere inside our cavernous midsection, inflicting trauma on it through our insistent fulfillment of daily vices. Truth be told, the liver is the only thing separating us from one beverage too many and a rapid multi-system meltdown, so it’s important to look out for the old guy every once in awhile. Since renouncing our vices is out of the question, we consulted nutrition experts on preemptive methods to preserve our natural filter in the most palpable and effective manner without giving up happy hour.

  • Jul 21

    Here's what your favorite sex position says about you

    Your preffered position du jour says a lot more about you than the obvious "This apple McCormick's has made me horny." So much, in fact, that we're going to psychoanalyze you based on positional preference so deeply that your therapist is going to want to rethink that Assistant Manager at Starbucks job offer ...