Well, the first thing you have to know is that motorboating poses next to no pleasurable physical stimulation. It can make some women feel like you really appreciate their breasts and curves, and that can make them feel feminine and sexy. But...
Dear Ibby, My boyfriend just kind of lays there when I’m going down on him. How do I tell if he likes it? Am I bad at giving head or something?
Oh, shit. That’s tough because every guy reacts differently to pleasure. Some of them lay there and just take it all in, others squirm and moan like their life depended on it. So it can be hard for girls to judge the effect they’re having. But, there’s one thing for sure...
A bag of dicks. Kidding, kidding, Well, the conventional gift is usually some sort of penis-shaped paraphernalia, or a vibrating plastic thing. But, everyone brings that kind of stuff, so at the end of the night, the lucky bachelorette has like, 14 dildos, 6 vibrators, and too many... read more
Dear Ibby, I've lived with a roommate for about six months now. Recently I've found myself attracted to them. I have a feeling that the attraction is mutual though, however I'm not 100%. Do I confess my inner feelings?
Uuuggh…awkward. Wait for them to make the first move, or wait till your lease is almost up...
Dear Ibby, How should I handle a guy’s balls? I heard guys go crazy for that kind of stuff, but every time I try it seems like I hurt them. Awkward.
Yes. Awkward indeed. Well, first find out if they’re even into that shit. Some guys aren’t into getting their balls fondled at all. Some guys need it to get off. Others dip their balls in peanut butter and make their dogs lick it at sometime during adolescence. Most are somewhere in between the extremes, where some gentle stimulation at the right time can feel like, amazing. Thankfully,... read more
Dear Ibby, Lately, my relationship has gotten kind of boring. I really love my boyfriend, but we don’t have that spark anymore. Should I move on, or see if anything changes?
No, duh, you don’t have that spark anymore. That’s what happens in like, 97% of relationships. Know why? I’ll tell your ass why.
Dear Ibby, I'm dating three girls at once and I'm not sure who I like more. I feel like an ass but they all are so great. Do you have any advice on settling down with just one?
Yeah! Don’t settle down with any of them, unless you’re all polygamists...
Let me count the ways. Lower your standards, get more confidence, shave your uni-brow, floss, magically procure a sense of humor, be understanding and empathetic, put on something other than sweatpants and a faded CU hoodie, become genuinely interested in other people, start enjoying life, be passionate and knowledgeable about something, get an adorable puppy and parade it around town in... read more
Dear Ibby, My two friends are hooking up with the same girl but aren't aware of it. Not sure if I should break the news to them or keep my mouth shut and watch the debacle unfold. What do you think I should do?
Oh, no, oh, no! Sike. Seems like these days everyone is hooking up with the same girl...
Dear Ibby, My mom hates my girlfriend. My mom's insight means the most to me but I really like my girlfriend. Is there any hope for this relationship working or am I delaying the inevitable?
Here’s a famous quote I just made up: “You can have a thousand girlfriends, but you can only have one mom”. Unless your mom is a lesbian...
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