Democracy in action: politician who critcized squirrels gets hospitalized by squirrels

Democracy in action: politician who critcized squirrels gets hospitalized by squirrels

CultureNovember 25, 2016 By Isabelle Kohn

When you're in politics, you're bound to offend someone with your views.

But, maybe Howard Brookins Jr. will think twice before he offends Squirrel Nation again.

Last month, shots were fired when Brookins, who is the alderman for Chicago’s 21st ward, had a very public meltdown about what he called "aggressive squirrels." Instead of taking aim at citywide unemployment or racial rension, he trained his pistol of discontent at the little buddies, who he accused of eating through the city's garbage cans.

His tirade resonated with many who felt that squirrels were overstepping their bounds, but ... as for the squirrels themselves?

Well, Brookins had no idea just how "aggressive" they could be.

Just a few short weeks after his anti-squirrel tirade, Brookins was hospitalized with a skull fracture after a kamikaze squirrel leapt into the path of his pike, weaved itself between his spokes, and caused a violent crash.

Warning: crime scene photos below:

When asked what he thought the reasoning for his accident was, Brookins immediately pointed a bloody finger at kingdom rodentia.

“I can think of no other reason for this squirrel’s actions than that it was like a suicide bomber, getting revenge,” he told the Chigaco Tribune.

However, some local publications refused to call the incident what it was — blatant squirrel terrorism — and simply referred to it as a "freak accident." We guess that just goes to show you how far in denial this country is about the truth.

On Sunday, Brookins announced he'd be unable to attend events in the near future as he recovered from his life-threatening injuries. That's more than we can say for the squirrel, who died for the chaos and disorder he believed in, proving  once again that in a democracy where you have no voice, you must use more than your vote to topple the House of Cards.

In other news, black people, Mexican-Americans, Muslims, women with operational reproductive systems and gluten all breathed a collective sigh of relief as squirrels replaced them as Public Enemy #1.