Everyday people share their unconditional rules for sex

Everyday people share their unconditional rules for sex

SexDecember 29, 2016 By Isabelle Kohn

We've all got our own rules and regulations when it comes to sex.

Take Kanye West's, for example. His are very wardrobe-oriented. Very specific. No semen on the mink. No anal bleach on his shirt.

... Probably has to be looking at himself dead-on in a mirror.

For the rest of us mortals though, it might be something like refusing to have sex with the lights on, or with anyone named Garth — a perfectly valid and sane ordinance, if you ask us.

Personally, we draw the line at having sex in water. If we wanted sex to feel like nothing and give us a UTI, we'd just call our ex-boyfriend. However, for every person like us who hates fucking whilst submerged in Mother Nature's tears, there seems to be a person that loves it (and bacterial vaginosis and chlorine rashes, apparently). Either way, feelings seem to be pretty strong.

So, curious how our own sex rules differ from that of the large social network of friends we solicit for awkward interviews like this one, we asked around to see what the law and order of other people's sex lives looked like. And boy, oh boy, did we find some interesting stuff — people have rules, rules, all kinds of rules. We heard everything ranging from proper use of consent to best anal practices to a moratorium on frat bros — all of which can be summed with a confirmation that when it comes to sex, people are weird, individualistic creatures who defy categorization. Everyone's got their own shit going.

Oh, and speaking of shit ...

Rory, 29

"NO SHIT. I will do anything with you but if I see poop, I'm gone."

Lily, 22

"I will never, ever let a guy come on my face. Not because I think it's degrading ... because it gives me acne." 

Brian, 28

"I'm cool with pretty much everything except for male butt stuff. I don't know why, I just can't do it. It's too hairy down there. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Please keep your tongue out of my ass."

Janice 25

"Your dick must be this tall to ride this ride. I'm sorry, but I can't do small cocks. I know it's mean. I know it's unfair. I know it's the 'motion of the ocean,' or some shit. But I can't help but like what I like. And I like a dick that's at least seven inches. I'm even willing to put aside the shitty parts of a guy's personality if they've got moose dick. Don't hate me."

Logan, 25

"When my boyfriend and I first started dating, he kept trying to suck my toes. I don't know why, but it turned me off so much that I had to actually stop sex. From then on, the only rule has been no feet."

Brandy, 27

"If a guy or a girl won't go down on me, I'm not fucking them. Plain and simple. Reciprocate or you get none of this."

Mitch, 27

"I think one of my biggest rules is to never have sex past a certain point of drunkenness. Aside from it leading to some very bad sex, the boundaries of consent are always blurred at that point, and I never want to take advantage of someone because I'm out of control of myself."

Zoe, 25

"My rule is that if someone I like is bad at kissing or sex, I will always give them another chance to improve. I'll talk with them about what I like so they know how to work with me better, and iif they still drop the ball, I know we're incompatible. I'd say more often then not, talking about what could be improved leads to better sex, and for that reason, I find that I rarely have bad sex. People aren't psychic — they need to be told how to work with you. But, it's also super valuable to know when you don't match up sexually so you don't waste your time."

Lucy, 21

"No frat boys."

Jessica, 28

"I can only come while using my vibrator, so a guy has to be cool with that. If he can use it on me, even better."

Taylor, 23

"No butt stuff without asking. Never just stick it in there. I had that happen 'accidentally' once, and I swear to god I thought my body ripped in half."

Heather, 26

"Please don't try to choke me with your dick or force my head down on it. I'd be happy to give you head if you'd let me walk away with my life."

Sam, 28

"No double dipping. Don't put it in my butt then expect to get back in my pussy or my mouth. You're not worth the antibiotics."

Alex, 27

"I have a very specific position routine I like to follow. Start missionary, move to doggy, then finish with her on top. I don't know why, but that order really works for me."