Eyefuck your way to a 10 inch ego

Eyefuck your way to a 10 inch ego

CultureOctober 10, 2012

Nobody likes hanging out with a wet blanket. And don’t even try sealing that next business deal with a limp noodle handshake. Use these tips to improve your swagger, increase your grit and blow your chutzpah wherever you damn well want to.

1. Get your swell on
If you can get to the gym three or four times a week, you’ll relieve some stress and help keep off the “Freshmen 15” (known to upper classmen as the “happy hour Buddha belly”).


2. Take a hot vinyasa
During a yoga flow you may feel your muscles screaming, but afterward endorphins will surge through your entire body and you’ll feel like a million bucks.


3. Ride it dirty
Regular sex not only boosts your energy, it burns calories. But the best thing about regular sex is getting regular sex.


4. Swagger like us
Create a feel-good playlist for your day. It’ll put a smile on your face and make you feel like you’re on top of the world. 



5. Suit up
There’s nothing sexier than a guy in a suit. Throw on an occasional button, a pair of khakis and a sport coat. You’ll definitely get some up-and-downs from the ladies.


6. Take up eye fucking
Keeping eye contact with people shows your confidence. You may feel like a creeper, but in the end, the person you’re talking to will pick up what you’re putting down. 


7. Stop saying like
I was like and he was like and then, like, she was like—do you not hear yourself say that word 50 times in one sentence? You’re making your friends want to put a gun to their head. Lessening your use of this shit bit of language will lead to people taking you seriously in conversation—and as a person.


8. Compliment yourself
Stop comparing yourself to everyone else. Sure, he or she is ridiculously good looking, but there’s no need to crush your ego by slapping yourself in the face because you don’t look exactly like him or her. Rather, you need to embrace your most favored assets and flaunt them for all the world.


9. Sit up hunchback
Good posture is a sign of confidence. It’ll boost your mind and naturally keep your abs tight. Stand up straight a little more often and you won’t wind up looking like Quasimodo.


10. Go for the gold
Set a goal for yourself. It can be something small, such as getting the number of that guy or girl from your class who you want to bend over a barrel and show the 50 states. Or maybe something nobler, like joining a community service group and making an impact by planting eco-friendly flowers and walking the dogs of the elderly. Whatever your goal is, do it right.