Hitler's alleged sex life was about as fucked up as you'd expect from someone like him

Hitler's alleged sex life was about as fucked up as you'd expect from someone like him

SexMay 05, 2017 By Tyler Mistretta

Adolf Hitler's grasp on reality was so backwards that you could make up practically anything about his life while presenting it as fact and have people believe it. For example, you could say Hitler had a micro penis, one testicle and liked to have girls shit on his chest with few people bothering to demand sources. 

Well, as it turns out, those things are allegedly true and there are sources to back up the claim.

Past documents show that Adolf Hitler was absolutely obsessed with shit and would regularly have girls dump on his chest because that’s how the Führer liked to get off. Which is surprisingly wholesome when you compare it to his other ways of getting off, like you know, killing millions of innocent people and trying to take over the world.

Hitler’s poop fetish, known scientifically as "Coprophilia," was reportedly so intense that he may have even had his niece partake in the act of laying a hot Cleveland Steamer on his dumb Nazi chest.

In researching Hitler’s fetish, we learned that there hasn’t been much official research on Coprophilia. That would be a really shitty study after all. However, there is some evidence to suggest that the fetish arises from feeling shameful about one’s body as a child. Which in Hitler’s case could make a lot of sense.

Hitler was probably self-conscious of his jacked up Wienerschnitzel.

Apparently Hitler was incapable of having traditional sex because he had a really, really small dick. Like, we’re talking really small. Evidence gathered by the U.S. Office of Strategic Services, shows that Hitler likely had a "micro penis" — which is defined as a penis that measures less than 2.75 inches erect. This fun fact might explain why he decided to call his political party the Nazis — because people could “not see” Hitler’s acorn sized ding-a-ling.

Hitler’s small penis may not have been the sole motivation for him to take over the world and have girls dump on his chest, however. His itty-bitty penis was also horribly deformed.

Adolf had "Penile Hypospadias," which is a condition where man’s pee-hole is on the bottom of the shaft instead of the tip. So instead of spraying like a garden hose, Hitler sprayed like a busted kitchen faucet. Gross. We’re sure that made a mess of his lederhosen as a child.

If having a really small faucet dick wasn’t enough to make him a super villain, Hitler also had one testicle. Which is surprising for a man that had the balls to think that he could take over the entire world.

Women that hooked up with Hitler mentioned that not only did Hitler like to get shit on, but he also like to be violently kicked and beaten during sex. Admittedly, this fact makes us a little jealous of Hitler’s lovers. Not only did they get to shit on his evil Nazi chest but they probably got to kick him square in the ball. Hooking up with one of craziest men of all-time sounds terrible otherwise. 

Now all this talk about Trump being the next Hitler makes us wonder…does The Don have a secret scat fetish and horribly deformed micro penis?