'My Dog Chewed Up My Vibrator' plus four other stories of a four-legged betrayer

'My Dog Chewed Up My Vibrator' plus four other stories of a four-legged betrayer

CultureOctober 02, 2017 By Rachel Bigum

Everyone’s felt it a time or two, an absolute hatred towards that four-legged excuse for man’s best friend. Whether it’s someone else’s heinous canine causing the distress, or that flea ridden adorable devil is your own, these oversized rodents have somehow discovered how to blur the line between total love and total hatred.

After realizing these things aren’t as cute as they’re supposed to be, we went and asked the public one simple question: How has this domesticated carnivorous mammal ruined your life?          

The Golden Shower

“I got up to take a shower and (my puppy) follows me in there. I literally get out of the shower and step in poop. Immediately mad, I wash my feet off, and then lay down with my wife. My puppy comes back up to cuddle with me and 'lays' on my pillow but begins peeing on my head.”     -Toby Plumlee, owns a Golden Retriever     

The Smelly Wingmen

“One time in high school, I brought this girl I really liked back to my place while my parents were gone. My dog had terrible diarrhea everywhere while my other dog got into the trash. It was a shit show.”     -Brennen Crippen, owns a Golden Retriever and a German Shepherd     

The Vibrator Annihilator  

“I was just getting home from a long day at school and found my $40 vibrator completely destroyed by my roommate’s dog. I couldn’t find all the pieces right away, so in the days that followed, my roommate’s and I would find her chewing on the vibrator’s remnants. R.I.P.”     -Roommate owns a Black Labrador mix

The Bloody Bomber

“When my husband and I were first dating, my dog Jackson ate one of my used tampons out of the trash. Later that day we were walking him and he pooped out the bloody tampon right in front of us. I was mortified and my husband totally disgusted.”     -Sarah Nelson, owns a Dachshund  

The Rubber Failure

“One time my dog Stevie ate a condom and then shit it out at the dog park. I was so embarrassed I had to leave right after.” -Kristine Engel, owns a mini Australian Shepherd

[Cover Photo: Don DeBold via Flickr}