8 NFL predictions we're 100 percent positive will come true this year
CultureSeptember 07, 2017
By Brian Frederick
From talking heads on ESPN to that dude you went to high school with who's on 5 fantasy leagues each and every year, many people are out there with predictions on the 2017 NFL season. And let's be honest, few ever get anything right. Except us, we're 100 percent certain every single one of the following are going to come to fruition — maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday. We're sure of it.
-Matt Ryan throws for a total of 5,500 yds, sends 4 strangers to college, inspires 130 future NFL players and gets caught post-season by TMZ at an Atlanta swingers club.
-Antonio Brown starts running across America, collecting rabid fans along the way until one day he stops and says, “I’m pretty tired. I think I’ll go home now.”
-Raiders fans completely abandon games before the move to Las Vegas; “Raider Nation” becomes just a loud group of Iranian princes trying to find white wives.
-Budweiser continues pandering to the lowest common denominator.
-Von Miller will lead the league in sacks: 20 per game. #58 will also be voted “Best Smile” in the AFC.
-Marshawn Lynch says a total of 3 words in interviews following multiple 300-yard games.
-Four underachieving brands overpay Peyton Manning for commercial viability.
-Tom Brady accidentally tweets a racist meme to his wife.