Or you can just vote for one of these lunatics who are also trying to be president

Or you can just vote for one of these lunatics who are also trying to be president

PoliticsOctober 03, 2016 By Amanda Pampuro

Confronted with the perception that only Trump or Clinton are the only presidential choices this year, The Pew Research Center reports as many as 30 percent of voters are being motivated to vote against the candidate they hate the most.

And according to Gallop, one in four Americans dislike Trump and Clinton equally.

But the good news is, in America, anyone can run for president. And each election, there's a few dozen who actually do. Because of that, nobody really needs to choose between two awful candidates, because there are other eccentric patriots who filled out the form and are now patiently awaiting your vote.

The Bus Driver from Bakersfield

Try not to confuse presidential candidate Benjamin Weigel with the PhD candidate by the same name. After serving 13 years in the Marines, Weigel returned to his hometown of Bakersfield — where despite his busy bus schedule, he is embarking on a “road of challenge few will ever consider [sic].”

Naturally, having personally transitioned from combat to the community, Weigel is concerned that “too many businesses lack the understanding and knowledge of what are military vetrans truly have to offer. Wounded warrior project is a great start to bridge the gap, yet it is to mild of an effort There are claims of support for our military, yet when it comes down to the act of supporting them, it is only a marketing scheme [sic].”

On Facebook, Weigel valiantly confronts trolls, retorting to one, “Nobody knows who you are either. The difference being I've got the courage to try while others will sit idlly by an complain and expect some rich person or crappy politician will come along and do things ‘right and fix America’ [sic].”

His platform is really paying off. Recently, 15-year-old Samuel from Illinois officially endorsed Weigel.


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A Fake Icon

Standing up against “manufactured candidates,” John Fitzgerald Johnson is spreading word that American democracy is a broken machine. Don’t you think it’s weird that unless you’re one of the 70 who viewed this video, you’re only hearing about his candidacy now?

"If you don't know it's because you don't see us, and you don't see us, because an institution you had nothing to do with setting up, called the Commission on Presidential Debates, makes decisions on who gets in front of the American people,” Johnson says. “That doesn't sound very American does it?”

Sounds well and good, until you realize he’s the same DJ self-proclaimed Grandmaster Jay once criticized for being a fake, a fraud, and a sponsor to crappy music equipment. Apparently, the conspiracy to silence his presidential campaign extends to wiping him out of hip-hop history and mainstream radio’s banishment of his  “Speak 2 Da Nation,” a song “which serves as a war cry and an instructional theme to the younger generation.”


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God’s Gift to America

Funded by the Bank of Heaven, David Boarman believes he was chosen by God to run for president. A believer since he was 13, Boarman writes, “after 30+ years of wandering and living by my own hand, He loved me and ran to me. He has lifted me up and surrounded me with godly people. … Recently, I have become convinced that God has called me to campaign for President of the United States in the 2016 election season. I meditated on this for 3 weeks before sharing it with my wife and close friends.”

Running on a platform of “compassionate and transparent service to the American people,” part of Boarman’s ideology is to empower churches and charities to do good — but only some, because as he shared with the Tea Party’s online community, “Islam cannot be protected under the First Amendment as a religion.”

Liberty and justice for most ... Because God Bless some America?


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The Immortal

President Zoltan might sound like a character straight out of a Kurt Vonnegut novel, but Zoltan Istvan is the Transhumanist Party’s first presidential candidate. Openly using the presidential platform not to win, but as a gimmick to spread the gospel of science, Istvan wants to get people dreaming about futuristic technology and talking about immortality.

The “science candidate” is probably the most future-oriented politician to ever grace American media. Simply put, Istvan aims “to put science, health, and technology at the forefront of American politics.”

Eerily similar to Isaac Asimov, Istvan follows three rules for being a good transhummanist: “A transhumanist must safeguard one's own existence above all else; a transhumanist must strive to achieve omnipotence as expediently as possible—so long as one's actions do not conflict with the First Law; [and] a transhumanist must safeguard value in the universe — so long as one's actions do not conflict with the First and Second Laws.”

If a vote for Zoltan is a vote for better robots and first class space travel, who wouldn’t want to support his campaign?