Proposed law would force men to pay $100 fine for masturbating

Proposed law would force men to pay $100 fine for masturbating

CultureMarch 14, 2017 By Lindsey Kline

Technically, every time a man masturbates, he’s slaughtering millions of unborn babies who will never have the chance to be. Every aggressive orgasm wiped onto a tissue — each hurried climax into an old sock — is mass murder. But only recently have legislators begun to acknowledge male masturbation as the social injustice that it is.

In Texas, one lady legislator has proposed a bill derived from women’s anti-abortion laws to impose similar harsh restrictions upon men for abandonment of potential babies.

The bill would fine men $100 every time they masturbate, mandate a 24-hour waiting period for men who want a vasectomy, colonoscopy, or Viagra prescription, require anyone seeking those procedures to receive an informational booklet filled with with vivid illustrations of the operations, and allow health professionals the right to deny their male patients treatment based on "personal, moralistic, or religious beliefs."

Quite clearly, Rep. Jessica Farrar filed the bill to make a statement about women’s reproductive rights. Each abusive stipulation in House Bill 4260 expertly mirrors a restriction imposed on women’s health care in Texas.

The 24-hour waiting period for male procedures reflects the same policy forced on women seeking an abortion, and the illustrational vasectomy and colonoscopy pamphlets take after the error-filled booklet women must receive, which outline the hazards associated with abortion.

"Let's look at what Texas has done to women," Farrar told CNN. "What if men had to undergo the same intrusive procedures?"

But Farrar admits that her bill likely won’t become law. Her proposal is a strategic one, to encourage a deeper discussion of abortion legislation in her state. Political power in Texas has historically been controlled by a Republican majority, and the state has some of the most restrictive abortion laws in the country due to its conservative Christian culture.

So she approaches their traditional ‘sanctity of life’ argument from a new angle, asserting that “any masturbatory emissions outside of a medical facility or a woman’s vagina are acts against an unborn child.”

But stuffy Texas Republicans are highly unlikely to see the parallels in Farrar’s proposal as reason to alter their perspectives on women’s reproductive rights. Just this year, Texas state legislators made attempts to re-classify abortion as a crime, regardless of if the woman was impregnated through rape or incest. If the bill is successful, women who have an abortion could be charged with a felony.

The satirical Texas bill aims to give men a taste of their own medicine. When men masturbate, they’re recklessly jizzing away the lives of countless precious little babies. Perhaps only hundred dollar punishments can end this jack-off genocide and hold both men and women responsible for their equal parts in reproduction.

Or, legislators can recognize their sexist double-standards and eliminate the obstacles in accessing women’s health care. Both options seem equally unlikely.