Roger Goodell and the NFL, this is your intervention ...
Punch a pregnant girlfriend and still make millions a year just because you run fast? Is this how you "set high standards, and continuously strive for excellence" — as you so earnestly say in your mission statement? Look, the game's great, and we all have a lot of fun watching it. But we like rooting for real men on the field, and those types of guys don't knock people out in the elevator or rape college girls for fun. Get it together, you're embarrassing yourself.
Sincerely, Go Broncos