Feb 09

You're not doing it right: how to tell if she's faking an orgasm

We’re sure you’ve been led to believe you’re a god in the sack, but let’s get real here. Only 25 percent of women consistently orgasm during sex, and according to a recent study published in the “Archive of Sexual Behavior” 80 percent of women fake orgasm. So sorry buddy, you’re probably doing it wrong. While you can’t make ’em stop, you can cut down on the theatrics by paying attention to these signs and proving to your girl there’s no reason to lie.

Eyes

What’s happening: She’s staring you down.

What’s really happening: You’ve got her unbridled attention, you stud you. Don’t get too excited, if you were actually pleasing her, her dilated pupils would be unable to keep focus. In the throes of passion, parts of the brain shut off, and focusing isn’t as important as getting off is.

How to fix it: Pull out a blindfold to spice things up. If she can’t see what you’re doing you’ll be able to surprise and titillate her while her eyes glaze over in ecstasy.

Vagina

What’s happening: She’s screaming, “Yeah daddy faster faster,” but you’re just ramming it in, holding on for dear life.

What’s really happening: She wants you to hurry up. If she were really turned on, her pussy would be like a fucking slip and slide, and you’d be feeling her vaginal walls contracting fervently around you. She wouldn’t be telling you to speed it up either.

How to fix it: You wouldn’t use only one brush to paint a masterpiece; why are you only using your tool to get your girl off? Reach around and give that clit some attention. If you can’t find it, don’t be shy. Ask, and she’ll guide you in the right direction.

Body

What’s happening: She’s arching her back and wriggling around as if she were maybe trying to do yoga.

What’s really happening: She’s overcompensating. During real orgasm her muscles would tense up, causing her to slightly arch her back to get her pelvis into a different position or twist her fingers in the sheets, not turn her into a contortionist.

How to fix it: Pull her close. She needs to relax and stop performing so she can enjoy herself.

Mouth

What’s happening: She’s screaming at the top of her lungs about what an Adonis you are.

What’s really happening: She’s absolutely faking. You may be an Adonis, but if you were really rocking her world, she’d be too preoccupied to tell you. Normal orgasmic vocalizations include unintelligible speech and some quiet moaning not blood-curdling screams.

How to fix it: Thanks to modern porn, vocalizations are the go-to fake orgasm. If she’s screaming “Yes! Yes! Yessss!” softly whisper, “ Shhhhhh.”

Heart

What’s happening: You’ve finished she says, “That was amazing I had, like, three orgasms,” then pops up right away to check her phone or head to the bathroom.

What’s really happening: It wasn’t amazing. When you’re having orgasmic sex, the heart works twice as hard pumping blood, flushing skin, engorging lips and breasts, and doubling the speed of your breathing. After a pleasurable romp, she should be just as exhausted as you and need to lay back and take it all in for a minute.

How to fix it: Sexually tease here to amp up the tension and suspense. Instead of just ramming around in there, touch her in ways you know she likes but only for a second. Get her heart beating so fast that when she comes she won’t be able to move for at least an hour.