August Hookup Horoscope: Don't leave your fate to the gyro stand guy
Things are looking good this month ... except for Leos.
Jan . 21-Feb. 19
You can pull off the “friends with benefits” routine with no fuss. You might also be tempted to return to those with whom you’re familiar. Not a good idea. There’s a reason they’re in your past and selective memory will only work against you now. While you may feel popular, make sure you’re not confusing it with pathetic.
Feb. 20-Mar. 20
You’ve got just enough time left to have one more summer fling before the season ends. Interested? If so, you’d best get started. Who will you choose? You know someone who you’ve been having naughty fantasies about… so why not let them know? It could turn into a wonderful reality. It’s all about happy endings.
MAR. 21-APR. 20
You still got it, Aries! We may be nearing the end of summer, but you’re hotter than July. You’ll want to spice up your love life now: Sexting, dirty talk, mutual masturbation over streaming video calls — you are the innovator. Make it up as you go. Everyone benefits from your exciting sense of adventure and creativity.
APR. 21-MAY 21
As a highly sensual animal, you’re the expert at treating yourself right. It’s time to expand on that to include your chosen partner. This is the time to step outside your comfort zone and explore possibilities. You may find yourself embroiled in a struggle between someone from your past and your present life. Make your peace and move on.
May 22-June 21
The best way to lure a Gemini is to stimulate your intellect. You’re the original “intellexual,” and you love it when your synapses are titillated. Take your love to the next level, even if it’s only mentally. When you’re both emotionally and mentally connected, sparks fly! Don’t hold back. Wordplay is foreplay, so keep a thesaurus on hand all month.
June 22-July 22
The month starts off with a beautiful full moon and your need for romance is at an all-time high. If you’re not currently partnered, try something new like browsing a dating app or reaching out to a secret crush. Everyone who’s anyone has their eyes on you and you feel like strutting your stuff. Hubba hubba!
July 23-Aug. 21
This is your month and you’re in for a hot time. You have a smorgasbord of choices in the bedroom rodeo you’re planning, and everyone is paying attention to your next moves. While you’re busy having all the sex, make sure you take time out for self-care. Mid-month, give voice to your kinkiest fantasies.
Aug. 22-Sept. 23
Summer is beginning to wind down, but you’re still feeling like being extra naughty. You’re sexy and you know it, so flirt with abandon. Just be careful that the heart you break isn’t your own. There’s a fire burning within and you’re wanting to share it with someone. Choose wisely!
Sept. 24-Oct. 23
All you ever think about is sex…not that there’s anything wrong with that. Everyone knows it's just you being your usual horny self. How do you satisfy that itch? Perhaps initiating a “friend with benefits” scenario is what you need. Stay balanced in your decisions so you’re not making them just to get laid.
Oct. 24-Nov. 22
Stay alert, Scorpio! Drama doesn’t just wander into your life. You either create it, invite it, or associate with it. This is especially true when it comes to bedroom Olympics. Someone feels much more deeply than you’re aware of and being careless with their emotions isn’t the way to go. Treat them gently.
Nov. 23-Dec. 22
For you, summer never seems to end. You’ve got the ability to ignore the obvious and continue on your merry way. At times, you’re so overly optimistic, you blind yourself to reality. The phrase “rose-colored glasses” was likely coined for a Sagittarius. Just don’t miss that gigantic sinkhole you’re about to fall into.
Dec. 23-Jan. 20
You’re at the top of someone’s love list, so pay attention to what those around you are doing, even if it means interpreting body language. The signs are there but are you able to see them? Hang onto your sense of humor, you’re going to need it this month, as it might become a comedy of errors. Misinterpretations abound.
Sex Study of the Month
A new study on dating has revealed what every 35+ single woman has known for years: Cats in your dating profile pictures don't rock the loins of potential mates. But what about for men? Scientists at Colorado State University put their thinking caps on to determine what exactly women find attractive in dating photos besides strong political opinions. Turns out cats are right up there with human skin puppets to be a turnoff as women described men with cats to be “agreeable and open,” but “less masculine, more neurotic and less dateable.” As for men who take pictures with their reptiles, keep 'em coming!