Yes, your vagina can be re-born like a phoenix from the ashes! But before I help you foster a snatch capable of circumcising a cock with a single clench, I must address a common misconception — frequent sex doesn’t loosen your cooch. The notion of a “loose” vagina has historically been used to shame women who sleep around. But gang-banging every group of Mormon missionaries who knock on your door won’t permanently stretch you out. Only two things can affect your vagina’s elasticity: age and childbirth. Weakened muscles might become apparent in your 40s when your estrogen levels begin to drop, or after a few little humans slither out of your vaginal canal. But just like any other muscle, you can strengthen your snatch with exercise and develop a pussy more powerful than Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Kegels are a pelvic floor exercise that can enhance sexual pleasure and improve bladder control. Kegels also increase blood circulation to the vagina, which may help arousal and lubrication. You can find your pelvic floor muscles by pretending to stop your pee mid-stream. Feel it? That clench is the exercise. A good routine involves squeezing and holding those muscles for 10 seconds, and then relaxing for 10 seconds. Aim for at least 3 sets of 10 repetitions per day.

If you’re feeling ambitious, try kegel weights: insertable doodads that keep your vagina working against gravity to hold the dealy-bobs in place. I’ve tried them myself, and while they work your muscles hard, they’re undeniably uncomfortable. Imagine that every moment you weren’t actively clenching your butthole, a massive turd would escape. It feels a lot like that. In time, vaginal weightlifting could generate a grasp so tight that your coochie can double as a bottle opener. Cheers to that!