3 ways to tell if you're sexually compatible with someone

3 ways to tell if you're sexually compatible with someone

SexOctober 07, 2015 By Isabelle Kohn

Sexual compatibility doesn’t mean you have to be exactly the same … just that you’re complimentary. Here are three ways to test out whether you actually are before you’re faced with the harsh reality of each other’s naked bods.

You have the same kissing style

Thanks to kissing, you can tell if you’re sexually compatible with someone before you even get to the “Is it in yet?” part. This is not conveyed through whether or not the kiss is “good” or “bad” per se, but instead through a mutual kissing style that both people share.

Being the dirty boy/girl you are, you know that these styles vary extensively; however, most people tend to stick with one that feels natural to them. When these styles match, a certain rhythm and synchronicity takes place that your body interprets this as compatibility. Mutual rhythm, pace and oral wetness signify you have an unspoken understanding — a sort of intuitive knowledge about each other that would lead to a satisfying combination.

On a deeper biological level, kissing can help you pick up biochemical cues of compatibility from your partner. One study by Oxford University published in the Journal of Sexual Behavior found that kissing helps us size up potential partners and allows people to subconsciously assess a potential slampiece through taste or smell, picking up on biological cues for sexual compatibility, genetic fitness or general health. So, slob on that face before you slob on that knob.

You have a similar relationship with sex

One of the biggest indicators that you’re sexually compatible with someone is that you have similar ideas about what role you want sex to play in your life. Some people don’t care all that much about sex and could easily go months without it, while other people think it’s the most important part of a relationship. To be sexually compatible, it works best if you’re roughly on the same page about this.

If you can, have a pre-sex conversation about what sex means to you and what you get out of it. What do each of you feel like after you bone? What do you think about when you want to fuck somebody? Some people use sex to feel connected and foster intimacy. Some use it as a distraction or an escape. If sex means love and intimacy to you, but your partner sees it only as a release, your sexual compatibility potential is negative one billion.

Dissimilarities in the value you place on sex are going to be particularly impactful; a partner who couldn't care less about sex is going to struggle with a partner who values their sex life above all else. The good news is that even if you don’t match up on how much importance you place on sex, one of you can still change. It’s more than possible your relationship might open your partner up to your way of thinking and they’ll come around to your aggressive 17-fucks-a-day program.

You’re both willing to compromise and try new things

Sexual compatibility isn’t always innate, but it can be worked toward. To test whether the sex will be good, all you need is an open mind and sprightly willingness to try new things. Experiment on your potential sexual compatibility before the fuckfest begins by doing something non-sexual, risky, and adventurous together like going to a strip club, getting tattoos, riding a bareback stallion across a raging river, braving the potential of dysentery at the new Mongolian street food truck down the road, etc. If you can have fun taking risks together, there’s a good chance that’ll translate to the bedroom/supply closet.

Compatibility also has a lot to do with compromise, something sex therapist / mortal demigod Dan Savage champions with his now-famous “GGG” theory. GGG stands for “good, giving and game” and represents the qualities that make for a good sexual partner. “Game” represents compromise; you’ve got to be down for anything, within reason. If you’re both willing to meet halfway on the type of sex you want and how often you want it, compatibility is likely.

We know from a recent study by Kogan et al. published in Psychological Science that people who are more motivated to respond to their partner’s needs report higher relationship satisfaction and feel more intrinsic joy after making a sacrifice for their partner. So, if you’re looking for someone who’s truly sexually compatible with you, it might actually help to take a risk and compromise on something they’re interested in doing.