30 new rules to change your King's Cup game
VicesSeptember 10, 2014
On a scale from one to drunk, everyone knows King's Cup is the highest-ranked drinking game around in terms of its ability to get people wasted. But, after playing the game some three million times, we've found a way to keep the game interesting. Here are our 30 new rules you can use to take your drinking game from zero to shit-faced in no time.
1. Choo Choo Train: Every time you are laughing, you must pump your arms back and forth. This inevitably gets other people to laugh how ridiculous it looks and soon everyone is moving their arms which causes more laughing.
2. Every time you target someone (like in a two/you situation) you must touch the person's chin, look dreamily into their eyes, and ask politely for them to drink.
3. If you touch your phone during the game, the rule maker is allowed to send any text message to any contact in your phone.
4. You must always refer to yourself in the Majestic Plural. (We are going to the bathroom. We need a refill. We think that Rooster's ideas suck.)
5. The Forehead Master: This is a similar rule to the thumb master but you use your forehead instead of your thumb. The last person to touch the table with their forehead has to drink. After a few drinks, people start slamming their heads and concussions start happening.
6. T-Rex Arms: Whenever you go to drink, you have to lock your elbows in at your sides so that you have T-Rex arms.
7. Everyone has to talk in the Christian Bale Batman voice.
8. The Get Down Mr. President: When the rule maker puts his/her finger up to their ear (like listening to a secret service earpiece) everyone must follow suit. Then, everyone jumps up and yells, "Get down, Mr. President!" at the last person to do so, and gang tackles them to the ground.
9. Everyone has to start their sentences with "hashtag" and end them with "dot.com."
10. You must end each sentence with a fake chapter and verse as if it were a bible quote: "Dude, get your own fucking beer. Ballsaks 4:13."
11. You have to talk dirty to your beer and call it nasty names before you drink.
12. Every time someone has to drink, they have to flex and kiss their arms, to which everyone must respond, "NICE BICEPS!"
13. Every time you start to speak you have to start with, "Back when I was a pedophile..."
14. Everyone has to talk like Foghorn Leghorn.
15. If you draw a queen, you have to eat it.
16. Any time someone draws a number card, they have to name a famous Asian. Not as easy as you think.
17. For Game of Thrones Fans ... The Hodor Rule: When someone uses a curse word they become Hodor. From this point on they can only say, "Hodor," until someone else curses and becomes the the new Hodor. They can also choose to fulfill their Hodor role by giving another player, of their choosing, a piggyback ride around the table.
18. If you check your phone, you need to stand and sing the chorus of Miley Cyrus' "Wrecking Ball."
19. If you laugh you have to quit drinking forever and only do heroin.
20. Everyone has to talk like a 70-year-old pack-a-day smoker from Bensonhurst, Brooklyn.
21. If you spill your drink, you have to human centipede with the people on either side of you.
22. Anytime you draw a king, you have to Instagram a picture of Patrick Swayze. Failure to do so is punishable by death.
23. If anyone laughs, everyone must laugh with them, but do so like a tiny Japanese anime schoolgirl. If you burst into regular laughter, your next upchuck is going to be significantly comprised of King's Cup sludge.
24. The Paraplegic: Everyone drinks, but everyone has been paralyzed from the waist down in a terrible accident. You can get booze in you any way you please, but you can't use your arms.
25. The Mama Bird: You can pick someone to Mama Bird the person to their right. They take a gulp of liquor in their mouth without swallowing it, and pass it to the person you chose either via cup or mouth. Then everyone gets Avian flu.
26. If anyone says the words "drunk" or "wasted" they have to take off their pants ... in under three seconds.
27. The Basic Bitch: If you're wearing flip-flops, a baseball cap, cargo shorts, a North Face, Uggs, or a CU shirt, you have to name three reasons why you love autumn.
28. If you draw a queen, you get to choose someone to make out with ... but you both have to be meowing the whole time or you lose your turn.
29. If someone draws an Ace and a waterfall goes down, the first person to finish their drink has to wear pizza as shoes.
30. At any point, you can chose any of the rules to apply to someone, provided you've been sitting in silence, wrapped in toilet paper like an alcohol mummy, for at least 20 minutes.