Colorado man lives inside walls of Marshall's for three days before being rescued. Way to make us proud.

Colorado man lives inside walls of Marshall's for three days before being rescued. Way to make us proud.

CultureNovember 13, 2014

Longmont, Colorado resident Paul Felyk loves Marshall's. In fact, Paul loves Marshall's so much, that miraculously became trapped inside the walls of the department store and lived there for three f*cking days before he was rescued, starving and dehydrated, without any new fall knit sweaters to show for it. Well, that's one way to never pay full price for fabulous.

Paul was rescued by authorities on Tuesday in Longmont after store employees heard mysterious screaming and moaning sounds coming from the walls, but could not locate the source of the noise. Being the practical Coloradoans they are, they knew right away that it was a person making those sounds, not a bargain-fashion loving ghost.

They called 911, telling the operator, "We hear a guy screaming and screaming in the back." They we'rent talking about the frenzied, ecstatic screaming of bargain shoppers as discovered Marshall's price for tube socks. They were talking about our main man Paul.

Upon their arrival, over a dozen first responders used sledgehammers and a circular saw to make a hole large enough for Paul to crawl through.

When police arrived, Paul told them he had entered the building through the roof and fell 20 feet through a vent. He landed in an approximately 2-feet by 8-feet place between the exterior and interior walls, where he became lodged, just out of reach of the khaki sale. He was so close to the best deals on your favorite designers ... but so far.

“As far as we know, [he had] no water. No communication. No food,” said Longmont Police Sgt. Matt Cage. Well, you know what they say: "Suffer for fashion."

Paul sustained injuries to his lower extremities and remains hospitalized where he is also being treated for dehydration. He'll probably face charges for attempted burglary when he gets out, although we don't see what's that weird about scaling the walls of Marshall's and trying to break in through a ceiling vent Mission Impossible style. We mean, have you seen their discounts on luggage?