An experienced dealer gives us his best advice on how to buy drugs
Buying drugs from another human is quite possibly one of the most fraught interactions anyone can have.
Even if you know the dealer; there's so much uncertainty that goes into the transaction.
How do you know if your drugs are pure? Is it rude to ask if they're bath salts so you can save room after dinner for some face?
How can you tell if you're getting ripped off?
How do you exchange money for drugs in public without looking like a total twat?
When we got down to thinking about it, we had more questions than answers. So, instead of spewing our own childish speculation about what makes a good drug deal on you, we asked our friend, the infamous anonymous multi-drug dealer for his advice on buying drugs the not-so-stupid way.
Infamous anonymous drug dealer knows a thing or two about smooth transactions; he's sold everything from LSD to molly to weed, moving quantities of all sizes into the waiting hands and mouths of our nation's future leaders both in state and beyond. He was in the game for about the life cycle of a small dog, and over that time, his responsible dealings and rigid rules for selling drugs helped him become his friend group's First Ever Guy Not In Jail. A huge honor indeed, and the reason we'll be heeding his advice in the future. Anyone who survived that long without getting swooped up by Big Brother probably knows what he's talking about, so listen up, take notes, and start buying drugs like the consummuate professional you sort of are.
How do you tell if your drug dealer’s trustworthy? How do you develop a meaningful relationship with someone based on the sale of narcotics?
"It’s the exact same line of interaction as meeting a new person and becoming friends. Talk to them. Sometimes they may be really busy and they don't want to chat with you, you've just got to read the situation. Tell them some stories, try to exchange some laughs. Develop a rapport and judge their trustworthiness like you would anyone else. Not everyone is trying to fuck you over.
If you’re concerned about the product, the price or the experience of taking it, it’s okay to mention that. You’ll be able to tell from their answer if they’re invested in your safety."
Where’s the safest place to do the exchange?
"That completely depends on how much product you’re moving. The answer is different for a tiny envelope versus a duffle bag, but I’d always recommend two things.
First, don’t shit where you eat. Keep the transaction away from your house or job. It’s not necessarily a good thing to know where each other lives if you’re not already friends.
Second, always air on the side of paranoia. Assume there are people watching. Don’t go anywhere where you know there are security cameras or a lot of police. Even the parking lot of a show can be sketchy because there are always undercover cops walking around the lot.
The biggest thing is to act normal. No one notices you when you look like you’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing. That’s why it’s so important to know your dealer on a personal level; if you’re buds, you’re more likely to be hanging out, acting normal anyway."
How educated do you think dealers are about the products they sell?
"It’s about 50/50.
The way I always used to conduct myself is that I cared more about people's safety than I cared about making money, which is not the case with most drug dealers. I’d always at least test the product on myself first if I was going to sell it. Good drug dealers should have some sort of spiel about their product. If they can’t tell you anything about it, that’s not a great sign of trustworthiness."
How do you make sure your drugs are pure without offending the dealer or freaking him out?
"It all depends on the dealer. Some dealers won't give a fuck if you're like, 'Hey is it pure? This isn't a research chemical or anything right?' Pretty much every drug dealer across the board is going to tell you their shit's legit. A lot of them are going to be lying through their teeth or they just don't know if it’s pure or not, though. It depends largely on the drug, too. There's so many research chemicals out. There's so many analogs out.
From a buyer’s perspective, the safest way to score drugs that you believe are legitimate, or at least have a better chance of them being legitimate is establishing a relationship with your dealer, and knowing them."
What if I just whip out a drug testing kit on the spot?
"These days, there’s an arsenal of home test kits that are available for testing street and club drugs. They work really well. Some kits test like 20 different drugs.
It would be fine if you did that, especially if you were more of a stranger. The thing with test kits, is if you're bringing it to someone who only has a limited amount of product, they may have you buy it and test it on your own because it requires a small sacrifice of the drug to test it. They don’t want to give you that little bit for free, and you’re buying less of the drug in exchange for peace of mind. Depending on what drug you’re buying, you’re probably looking at half a dose to maybe a full dose of whatever it is you're buying to be able to confirm that's actually what it is.
For any drug dealer who's got a ton of product and he's making about what he should be making doing that type of job, letting go of a small amount shouldn't be a problem. Then again, if it's someone who has 20 hits and they really need to make $500 so they can pay for rent or whatever, they might not just give away a free dose so they could test it. That’s why knowing your source is the most key thing.
Once you have some product to test, you’ll notice the testing solution changes color. This’ll help you figure out what class the drug is in, then you can use a more specific test kit to identify exactly what it is. These types of test kits are very similar to what police use for field test kits to determine if they've busted someone for possession. They’re widely available. You can also look at it under a blackl ight. LSD in particular has a really specific blue-ish white glow. If it doesn't glow, there's a billion different LSD like drugs. All the 2C class drugs. All crazy intense psychedelics, those can all be identified with test kits.
I think any drug dealer who's worth his salt will know exactly what he has, so that he doesn't sell people the wrong shit."
Okay, say I test it and it turns out you sold me baby laxative. How do I bring this up with you?
"Just be polite. Say, 'Hey this isn't working.' What I have found before in my personal experience is sometimes test kits that detect drugs have been contaminated in some way and they no longer work. The chemical reactions don't carry out correctly, so that's always a possibility.
It’s like any other business deal though. If you're dealing with some angry drug dealer on the corner in the ghetto, you're not going to want to be like, 'Hey this shit's bunk,' because they might try to take it away from you and then beat your ass and take your money.
If you're dealing with a cool hippie, party kid or rave kid or something, who's not violent, then ... you've just got to read the situation. I wouldn't' say that there's any particular way to deal with someone on that. Just be polite, state your concern, and then go from there. Negotiate. That's what dealers do, they negotiate."
I don’t want to get ripped off. How do I not get ripped off?
"Don’t buy drugs at concerts or raves if you’re on a budget. If you go in concerts looking to score drugs, you're going to get ripped off. It's just how the world works. There are tons of people who run around shows and concerts and sell completely bung shit that hasn't been tested. They don’t even know what it is themselves.
But really, it boils down to your individual street smarts. There are trustworthy people who sell, and there are people who will try to take advantage of you. It's like any walk of life, any business, completely susceptible to human qualities. Greed, altruism, I mean ... I mean one dealer is going to be as different from the next as one person is different from the next.
If you’re concerned you’re being overcharged or taken advantage of, consider this: if the dealer were to get in trouble for manufacturing or distribution, and there's a million ways to get caught, mandatory minimum laws start kicking. If you don't cooperate with the police or give them the names, you're looking at like 40 years plus in prison. In my mind, yeah, that upcharge that dealer’s tack on to wholesale prices is completely reasonable when someone's taking those kinds of risks to provide drugs. It is unbelievable, just profound risk on the part of the supplier to make those drugs available. If I buy a roll for $4 and sell it to you for $25, it’s because I’m putting my entire life on the line for you."
You are are true American hero and I appreciate you. How do you keep your drug dealer safe? Say I love the product that you're selling me, and I want to refer some friends. How do I do that in a way that doesn't put you in jeopardy?
"Don't ever tell anyone their name. Even if you think you’re being nice and referring business to him, keep him anonymous at all costs until he give you permission otherwise.
When you call them, you always need to have a type of code language figured out. The smartest people, and people that have common sense, would use code of all types, and we understood each other right off the bat. Some people would make it a little too obvious: 'Hey do you have five video games I could borrow?' But even that is better than something outright: 'Hey, I want 25 rolls, you have ‘em?'
Anything that's conducted over the phone should never be anything that can nail you in court. Because of digital monitoring, they have access to everything if they want it.
If you want to intro a dealer to a friend, always ask. You need to back up their references with stories about how you know them, anything else that puts the dealer at ease. I mean some people don't care, but I was probably the most rigid about all of my rules, and I think there's a reason why a ton of people that I know and used to do business with all went to prison."
What if somebody's caught with drugs and the police are like, “Tell me the name of your dealer, or you're going to prison for 40 years.” What should you say?
"Well they definitely don't like it when you don't cooperate. If they've got you dead to rights, if they have you with possession and you've got no fucking way out, it's either you give them somebody's name, or they're going to file distribution, manufacturing, possession and all that shit on you, and you're looking at 25 years.
Unfortunately, that’s the way the system works. If you’re buying drugs, you’ve got to be prepared to do your time. Or, know someone who deserves to get busted. If you buy from a good person, a friend, and then you get caught and you turn that person in, then you're really a piece of shit. But if you know a fucked up person who you can pin some shit on, who would maybe be better off the streets than in them, you have to say their name. It’s a fucked up thing to say, but if it’s the only way to save yourself and you might be doing some good by turning a shitty person in, then … I’m sorry, go with that. I always had a list of people I’d feel comfortable with naming if I ever got caught. They were shit people. I’d never, never turn a friend or a good person in.
Also be aware of what the police are charging you with. If they’re interrogating you, a lot of times they have nothing to go on. If they’re trying to pin a minor drug charge on you and you have no priors or history of drug arrests, shut the fuck up and stay silent. Do not cooperate. Get a lawyer. Don’t name names unless they’ve charged you with something big and it’s your only way out of life in prison."
If you fuck a drug dealer over, how likely are they to actually come after you? Seems like that would be a liability to them.
"Depends on the nature of the wrongdoing. People do actually get killed and beaten, especially when large quantities of money are involved. If you try to rip a dealer off with counterfeit money, blatantly put them in jeopardy or sell them fake drugs, you better have disappeared out of town. Shit can and does get violent.
But for the more average small-scale user who offends a dealer with a minor infraction, the worst that happens is usually that their dealer will cut them off. That’s actually a pretty severe punishment, because a good hookup is like gold to some people. I’ve cut people off, blocked their numbers and pretended I’d never met them and felt satisfied with that punishment. Politics are important. You don't want to fuck people over. It's a black market business you're dealing with here, nobody's calling the cops."
Short of turning you over to the police, what’s the worst thing someone buying drugs from you can do?
"If you're scoring drugs from a drug dealer at a concert, a rave, or a public place, do not ever pull out your wallet, pull out money, and start counting it right in front of them. That is the stupidest thing that sends out a fucking signal beacon to everyone around. It says 'Hey I'm purchasing something from this guy right here. He's not a vendor, he doesn't have on an apron or a cooler of beer with him, so he definitely doesn’t work here.'
Most likely, everyone is just going to assume you're buying drugs. I've known people who've gotten busted that way. Security's always walking around, cops walk around. If they walk past somebody in the middle of the show and they see someone counting cash and handing it to someone, then they detain both persons. Shit can get really bad, really fast.
Instead, go to the fucking bar, get all your shit counted out like you were buying a drink. You roll it up, fold it into a small square in your palm, and then when you're ready, you come and say hey what's up, shake my hand, do a sly pass off of the money, and I'll do the same thing with what you're buying. Sometimes I would slip it into their pocket or into their other hand, it all needs to look very nonchalant."
Anything I can do to get a little extra product, or a free sample?
"Definitely. A lot of the time, when I saw a good friend of mine not being able to have fun with everybody because he or she had no money for drugs, I’d slide them a little for free just so they could get on everyone’s level if they wanted to.
Also, negotiate where it makes sense to. If the running price for tabs is $25 a pill, and I have someone who comes over and says, 'Hey can I get 5?' I’ll let them have it for $100 instead of $125 if I have enough product and they’re polite about it."
When you’re at a concert or a rave, how do you tell if someone’s a drug dealer?
"One phenomenon that you see a lot, is people who walk through crowds. They’re saying things like 'Pills rolls, molly' as they walk by. They’re basically verbally advertising they have these products.
Straight-up asking people works too. Or ask the people around you."
Any other tips?
"Never throw a used drug baggie out in your trash without washing it out first. If for any reason the police get a warrant and search your house, they will absolutely be checking your trash and testing what they find. If you don’t have time to wash it out, throw it out in a public place before you get home.
It’s okay that you emphasize you want pure, real shit. No research chemicals. Talk in code, especially over the phone. Don’t try to haggle over the price too much; ask nicely once and that’s it.
And educate yourself: research what your drugs should look like, what they should taste like, what they should look like, how much you should take, always have a backup plan."