Your January horoscope promises a decade full of winning sexual lottery tickets
Jan. 21-Feb. 19
You’re into the kinkier side of things, and January will be as kinky as you want it to be. Enjoy it now as that drive is going to dwindle going into next month, and you’ll wish you took advantage of it. Ride that wave of pleasure like the pro you are.
Feb. 20-Mar. 20
Intensity is your middle name this month when it comes to sex. You want it on a plane, you want it on a train. You’ll wear your partners out and they’ll call you insane! This new year is off with a bang! … Try things you haven’t tried before. It’ll be worth it in the end. (That’s what she said.)
Mar. 21-Apr. 20
This is the year of the phreaky for you. Put yourself out there as much as possible. Can’t win the sex lottery if you don’t buy a ticket — though you’re going to have to work for it. Use that natural Aries charm and they’ll be lining up around the block like the new Supreme joints just dropped.
Apr. 21-May 21
You’ve deepened your connection with a certain someone, so this month is going to be intense in the best possible ways. Life will be more intimate, making you ask if this is the person you want to spend your life with. Grey genitals are no joke. Take your time.
May 22-June 21
It’s time to stop playing the field and start focusing on one who makes you laugh and feel secure. You’ll receive a lot of intimate attention now and consider going exclusive. Your friends won’t like it, but it’s not about them. Delete the dating apps. It’s about you.
June 22-July 22
Planning a dinner party to ring in the new decade? Make sure you invite that delicious specimen you’ve had your eye on. By night’s end, you’ll get a taste of what you’ve been fancying. Full steam ahead! Just make sure you have plenty of vegan whipped cream on hand.
July 23-Aug. 21
Your abundance of self-confidence has served you well, especially where sex is concerned. But you’re about to meet someone who will shake your world down to its core. And you won’t see them coming. Vulnerability casts a magic spell and you’ll be amazed by what comes next.
Aug. 22-Sept. 23
Time to figure out what it is you want out of a relationship. Clear your head and let down your guard. This month is ripe for being a more sensual lover. Be prepared to commit to the one person who enhances your sex life — and listen to Luther Vandross. You’ll be pleased by the results.
Sept. 24-Oct. 23
Get a bit too much party-hearty over the holidays? Practice self-care this month, which includes tweaking the romantic life. There’s a certain someone who is willing to be your everything, if you let them. If that’s what you want, go big. If not, there’s always Disney+.
Oct. 24-Nov. 22
More than anyone else, you understand that staying in bed full time is the only way to spend winter. It’s especially helpful when you have someone who can keep up with you. This month, a new partner sets out to teach you new tricks, old dog. Better bone up to pass this exam!
Nov. 23-Dec. 22
You crash the new year with all kinds of sex appeal. You talk a good game, and now you have to put up or shut up. Luckily, you have that covered. You’re not the only one with a durrrrrty mind, so enjoy the fun and be creative. You’re excellent at coming up with new positions.
Dec. 23-Jan. 20
Passion is your keyword this month, and you’ll have the drive to back it up. There will be fireworks, so keep a bucket of water handy. You might as well call into work now, as your Olympian sexcapades may go all night. Just remember to stretch properly first.