Look, live eels do not belong in your ass
Look, there’s lots of things you might be tempted to shove up your rectum in this life.
The non-bristled end of a toothbrush. Banana with a condom on it. Salami. Police flashlight. Two fucking jars of vaseline.
We get it. These things, it's almost like they're just sitting right there in front of you and whispering, “I’d totally fucking fit.” So you might lube up and give it a whirl. Fine. Not judging you.
But there’s one thing we can’t understand: how the fuck do people keep shoving live eels up their asses?
We're all for sexual exploration but shoving animals who are very much alive, definitely scared and abso-fucking-lutely do no belong in any other orifice other than your mouth is taking it too far.
There’s at least four examples of this on the world wide web, from China to New Zealand to a full on eel removal surgery video in Brazil (you don't want to watch it), and probably many more in real life cases.
But that aside, we need some answers, some logical rationalization that could explain this disturbing practice. So, we're here to get to the bottom of why people are bringing this whole new meaning to swamp ass.
Apparently, this is all stemming from a particular style of Japanese porn gone wrong. From what we gather, it resembles an episode of Fear Factor meets Saw meets everyone is naked.
If you’d ever like to meet the man behind this hellscape, his name is Daikichi and he can be found in the darkest, porn-littered neighborhood of Japan. The man is the reason behind this brave new world of amphibi-ass, and the videos he’s produced have ushered in introduced a new wave of porn videos that come with names that sound like emotionally disturbed poetry:
“The red iron is eroded by a beating cockroach and earthworm.”
“Obscene doll that fritters white sigh and drops to black dripping.”
“The cockroach is jealous of an earthworm in a vagina to dislike.”
My god. Why would anyone be into this? No idea. But one thing’s for sure, you put an eel in your ass and it won’t come out quietly.
So, there you go. A Japanese porn producer has inspired a new wave of harrowing anal feats. Now you know. Don't say we never gave you anything.