Mike Stanley decides whether it's okay to get drunk at work holiday parties or not

Mike Stanley decides whether it's okay to get drunk at work holiday parties or not

CultureDecember 03, 2019 By Mike Stanley

Life advice from comedian Mike Stanley.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and he’s never even brought up the topic of marriage. Should I say something?
Yeah, if you’re goal is to break up. I kid. Honestly, it is a little strange to have not had a single discussion about it in that amount of time so I can see the concern. Although the holidays are fast approaching and maybe he’s going to make this Martin Luther King Jr. day one for the books! Be patient and hang in there. He’s probably waiting for the perfect moment: ‘I have a dream ... to spend the rest of my life with you!’ would be a pretty nice story to tell the grandchildren.

How do you feel about male pole dancers?
Hey, these are tough times. Make that money, son! Society tries to emasculate men for practicing non-traditional forms of exercise. It’s 2019. Grow up. I take a lot of flack for teaching my jazzercise class in the park … mostly from cops that say I’m dressed too ‘suggestive’ and ‘operating without a permit.’ Firefighters use a pole all the time and no one gives them any guff. They even get their own calendar. Get at it, boys! I support you.

What’s the minimum I should spend on my girlfriend for her birthday which also happens to be Christmas Day?
Ahh the ol’ sharing the birthday with Jesus scenario. You gotta be careful here to not disrespect JC on his big day. I think $100 for the birthday, $100 for Christmas, and a night of prayers between the two of you should cover all bases. Amen.

Team Pumpkin Spice or Team Peppermint?
I can confidently say that I’ve never had either. But good news! There’s probably a white girl 3-feet from you right now with very strong opinions regarding this topic. 
If there isn’t a white girl near you, just yell ‘Kaitlyn!!!’ and one will be with you shortly.  
Sidenote: Allow a few more minutes for ‘Katelyn’ with an E. Her life is ‘sooooo random’ so she takes a bit longer.

Is it acceptable to drink at a work Holiday Party?
Acceptable? Yes. Do I recommend it? No. There are plenty of opportunities to drink with co-workers you get along with outside of work functions. Mixing alcohol with ‘Todd that snaps his gum and quotes The Office from accounting’ is only going to give you the confidence to call him a twat to his face and make for an awkward Monday. Stay cool.

Mike Knows Best

“T.I. is out here checking his daughters hymen. I’ve been putting off an oil change for 3 months. I’ve really gotta get my life together.”

Mike can be seen every Monday hosting Thick Skin at Comedy Works Downtown. Tweet @_Aware_Wolf or @RoosterMagazine with your most pressing queries about this thing we call life.