The nation's most hated bro just bought the only copy of Wu-Tang Clan's multi-million dollar album

The nation's most hated bro just bought the only copy of Wu-Tang Clan's multi-million dollar album

MusicDecember 09, 2015 By Dallon Adams

Let’s be clear, nobody likes Martin Shkreli. In case any of you need a refresher, Shkreli is the self-stylized ‘Pharma-bro’ who made headlines earlier this year by buying the rights to a medication used by cancer and AIDS patients and raising the cost by a fuck-ton.

Now, however, the pasty prick is pissing off music fans the world over because he went and bought the only copy ever printed of Wu-Tang Clan’s latest album, Once Upon a Time in Shaolin, for his own private collection — which presumably also contains an actual cure for cancer and the still warm heart of a baby Snow Leopard. Everyone really fucking hates this guy right now.

First and foremost, people are probably wondering: "Why is there only one copy of the new album in the first place?" Wu-Tang member RZA and Cilvaringz, a rapper who put out an album under the Wu-Tang banner, attempt to answer this question by making a very easy answer an extremely convoluted one, by taking us back ten years prior when the two men shared a trip to Egypt:

“RZA and I would ride horses into the desert completely alone and have the pyramids pretty much to ourselves,” Cilvaringz explained to Bloomberg. “Halfway climbing up the pyramids of Cheops, I said to RZA that one day we would do something special together that would last throughout the ages.”

According to Bloomberg, originally the Clan wanted to legally prevent the buyer from publicly releasing the album for 88 years, but the group eventually stepped back from this stipulation, allowing the top bidder freedom to do whatever they seemed fit with the album, as long as it was never sold commercially. Essentially, ol’ punchy face Shkreli can do whatever he pleases with the album: burn it out of spite, shove his little dick through the little dick hole. Anything …

Theoretically, Pharma-Bro could be one of the few individuals to ever actual hear the album. 

Many Wu-Tang fans were adamantly against the plan to release one album to the highest bidder. Some fans even posted a Kickstarter to buy the album and keep it out of a wealthy tycoon’s hands. Unfortunately, unlike someone who makes millions walking on the backs of Aids and cancer patients, the Kickstarter only raised $15,000, a little short of the $2 million allegedly paid by Shkreli (the exact amount paid is still unknown).

“We’re about to put out a piece of art like nobody else has done in the history of [modern] music,” RZA once told Forbes. “We’re making a single-sale collector’s item. This is like somebody having the scepter of an Egyptian king.”

Unfortunately, this one of a kind album is that scepter and Martin fucking Shkreli is now that Egyptian king …

Bollocks.