Oklahoma's hypocrites legalize cannabis after suing Colorado for the same

Oklahoma's hypocrites legalize cannabis after suing Colorado for the same

VicesJune 28, 2018 By Reilly Capps

Oklahoma just legalized medical marijuana. Congratulations for joining the party sanity.

But what the fuck was it doing four years ago? Raging against sativa, suing Colorado just because it likes weed.

Sooners noticed that the Rocky Mountain State, the weed-happiest land in the world, was letting its gorgeous nugs leak over the border — and responded in a strange way.

Instead of thanking Colorado for easing Oklahoma's crippling pot shortage, a ganja drought that left the poor flatlanders un-medicated, unhappy and unhealed since nigh on '37; instead of sending armored trucks to ferry that crystal-covered magic plant and hold it a ticker-tape parade, Oklahoma furrowed its dust-covered brow, lawyered up like a bunch of angry old men who found a roach on their lawn, and went to court.

Along with Nebraska, Oklahoma sued Colorado, saying that medicine sold legally in Colorado was being driven illegally into Oklahoma.

Of course it was. Oklahoma prohibited a medicine. Colorado sold in bulk.

But Oklahoma complained directly to mommy the Supreme Court.

And it said nasty things. If Colorado's growing and selling operation "were based south of our border," Oklahoma said, "the federal government would prosecute it as a drug cartel."

The Supreme Court correspondent at Rooster Magazine, while almost certainly high, trenchantly queried: "Dear neighbors of Colorado, what the f*ck is wrong with you?"

Our scholar continued, "What exactly are they doing poking their nose over our window sills, Yeti-footing around in our bushes like they need to somehow control what it is we do with our time over here on the other side — where the grass is in fact greener?"

Alas, all turned out well. 

The Supreme Court, asked to hear the lawsuit, pulled up its black robes, bent over and mooned the Sooners, declining to hear the case. They said: Work this out amongst yourselves.

Times are changing rapidly. Yesterday's' poison is tomorrow's cure.

This election, Oklahoma embraced this little pretty flower, agreeing it is a medicine, soon available to sick people. Applications for medical marijuana licenses will be available July 26. They'll have to find seeds legally, track them and grow them.

And, with that, the Dust Bowl State's hypocritical dipshits fine people relinquish their right to criticise the Mile High State, since all we did was get out ahead of them, and be happy, healthy, rich and sane before they did.

[The Gloss "Mountains" in Oklahoma via Shutterstock.]