Praise the priest: 14 sex tips from a polygamist (former) priest
Philip Taylor was a priest for 20 long, sexless years until he realized that Jesus doesn’t care who you fuck, just who you fuck over.
So, he did what any well-meaning modern fellow would do after a two-decade dry spell; he became a swinger sex god. After answering Rooster's Craiglist ad requesting formerly pious people who gave up salvation for a life of "sin" and sex, he offered up some of his divine sex tips, and damn if they're not as heavenly as the holy spirit herself.
1. Always give your partner an orgasm before you put your cock anywhere near her.
"Heck, most of my encounters begin with me receiving head. But you just need to make her come before you penetrate her. You can use your mouth or fingers to make her orgasm. If you don't know if she had an orgasm, ask her. If she lies to you, then its on her. Most women will tell you the truth in the moment. Don't just trust her sounds; make her tell you."
2. Learn what a clit is and where it’s located.
"The fact that men don't know where and what a clit is has more to do with my success with women than anything else. You can't be a world-class lover and not know this female organ better than you know your football stats. A woman’s anatomy practically draws a roadmap straight to it. One last thing: Not so hard!"
3. If you can give a woman one orgasm, you can give her five.
"After bringing a woman to orgasm orally, freeze! As soon as a woman has reached clitoral orgasm, stop stimulating her, but don't remove your mouth from her lips. Then use your finger to stimulate her G-Spot for 30 seconds, then resume clitoral stimulation. This should drive her quickly to a second orgasm. Repeat this process until your jaw freezes up."
4. When attempting to give your woman an orgasm during foreplay, try fingering her clit instead of licking it.
"The stronger stimulation will drive her to another orgasm. Your best tool is to get her to masturbate for you. You can learn so much from watching. This may take some doing, and you may have to return the favor. Remember lubrication is your friend. Bonus tip: This also works if you punk out and come too soon. Be a man, roll her over, and rub her clit so she doesn't go home frustrated."
5. The more sequential orgasms a woman has, the stronger each one gets. Women don’t putz out like men do after they come.
"A a great technique is to use “after-play” to keep her warm while you recharge. Use your fingers to stimulate her clit and bring her to another orgasm while you're waiting for Mr. Happy to reawaken. This is why if you blow too early it’s not the end of the world. Don't just roll over and go to sleep, or she'll cry herself right into another man’s bed."
6. Never give a woman the entire length of your penis until she is on the verge of a vaginal orgasm.
"Save the last inch until you hear her scream and you feel her tighten around you. Then thrust at the just the right moment, and you could cause her to go into multiple orgasms."
7. After a woman has a vaginal orgasm during intercourse, change your rhythm abruptly.
"Become non-rhythmic and randomize your strokes for 10 seconds. Then return to the same rhythm and stroke that just brought her to orgasm, and she'll have another one immediately. Using this technique, you can give most women multiple vaginal orgasms."
8. Never keep the same stroke and rhythm in play for more than about 90 seconds … unless she tells you to.
"Switch to a non-rhythmic randomized stroke for 10 seconds before resuming or changing positions. This should get her there faster. But if she says, 'Don’t stop!' she means it. In that case, stay the course until she cues you to change it up."
9. If you feel yourself getting close, change positions. It’ll stave off your orgasm and give her time to catch up.
"Never just freeze to prevent premature ejaculation. Instead, try smoothly changing rhythm or angle to reset your timing. Once stabilized, change position."
10. Wait to come until she is in the middle of an orgasm. It will deepen her orgasm and could make her come again after you shoot.
"This is where "after-play" is so important. Don't just pull out. Stay and play. Do what feels good to you, and she might just come again. Do it long enough, and you might re-stiffen. Then it’s off to round two!"
11. Right before you come, ask her where she wants to ejaculate. Most women have a preference. And some like to switch it up.
"In her face is not an option unless she begs you for it. Most women hate this. The belly is a much safer bet, and if you jump up and get the towel, you'll be the talk of all her girlfriends. In sales, they call that a 'referral.'"
12. Make her fantasies come true first; then watch in amazement as she returns the favor.
"You get back what you put in. Be selfless all year, and you might get a threesome for Christmas."
13. Never judge a woman for being honest with you about her desires, or she'll never really open up to you. Judgment destroys intimacy.
"She may confess her desire to have a threesome with your best friend, but you can't act shocked. Just smile, and give him a call. Explain to her how any fantasy can be played out using role play, too. Judge her, and you won't get invited to her pajama party."
14. Men ... is it really gonna kill you to cuddle after sex?
"I mean she just gave it up to you. Like she's gonna grant a three-way to a guy that won't cuddle."
(Editor's Note: While Taylor's tips may work for some women, we fully acknowledges that women are not a universally consistent species — different women like different things, and before assuming that the one you're with will like these moves, you should ask her if she would like these things at all.)