Republicans and Democrats have wildly different sex fantasies
Political affiliation is so much more than your opinions on aborting babies or building a wall. There’s a whole clusterfuck of unknown psychology underlying why you might vote for one pompous asshole over another. No surprise, these same hidden mental processes might emerge in other convoluted behaviors, like your sexual desires and fantasies.
It’s true — your identity as a Democrat or Republican shares a strong correlation with what you tend to think about before/during/after going balls deep inside another person.
This life-shattering revelation is the result of the largest survey ever conducted about Americans’ sexual fantasies, now published in the book Tell Me What You Want. The book’s author, Dr. Justin Lehmiller, questioned 4,175 adult Americans about the people, places, and things that stimulate their genitals, and then looked for relationships between those sexual proclivities and other personal characteristics. The findings are nothing short of shocking.
Republicans — the God-fearing, straight-laced, saviors of conservative tradition — fantasize about sex outside marriage. This includes desires as simple as cheating (with that smokin’ hot sister-in-law), to swinging (swapping partners) with other married friends, or having a giant orgy with an ass ton of strangers. For Republicans, it doesn’t matter much who they fool around with, as long as it’s not their one-and-only.
Democrats, on the other hand — those progressive defenders of equality — fantasize about different forms of BDSM. They might be dying to give a spanking, get tied up and have their nipples clamped, or explore any other form of play with dominance and submission involved. More than anything else, what separates Democrats from Republicans is their proclivity for masochism, deriving sexual gratification from their own pain or humiliation.
Although these deviant fantasies might seem to differ dramatically, Democrats’ and Republicans’ kinks likely originate from one common desire — they want to taste the forbidden fruit.
Republicans pride themselves on their family values. Marriage is the precious union of a man and a woman, a sacred vow to never covet another slice of ass. However, nothing tempts us more than something we can’t have. The party platform that cherishes a lifetime of monogamous missionary seems to have backfired when it comes to what Republicans most desire in their sex lives — to break the bonds of their pledge and plow some insignificant other.
The same logic applies to those deviant Democrats and their desires for BDSM. Because Democrats view inequality as the bane of all evil and endlessly pursue fairness for all, it’s no surprise that they try to defy those taboos in the bedroom. They’ll preach about the importance of sexual consent, then crave encounters where those lines are blurred. They’ll lament the tragedy of powerful men exploiting vulnerable women, then seek out the same dynamics in dominant/submissive roleplay.
These sexual rebellions against the values we hold dear make sense, from a psychological standpoint. Dr. Lehmiller draws on his insight as a social psychologist and interprets the force behind these behaviors as reactance. The well-documented theory of reactance asserts that when we’re told we can’t do something, we instantly want to engage in that out-of-bounds behavior way, way more.
While our sexual fantasies may vary as wildly as our political beliefs, it’s comforting to know that underlying everything is one commonality: the desire to rail against our social limitations. When you boil us down to our most primal form of horny fucking animals, it seems we’re not so different after all.