Root beer floats can now get you drunk! Smell ya later, childhood.

Root beer floats can now get you drunk! Smell ya later, childhood.

VicesOctober 02, 2015 By Tierney Nash

Remember how when you were a little pipsqueak, punk-ass kid, the most enjoyable thing in the world to you was sucking down a creamy root beer float into your growing esophagus?

Do you also remember how your entire life M.O. was stealing booze out of your parent's liquor cabinet?

Combine these memories. Bask in the their dual power.

Now, rejoice because Small Town Brewery recently unveiled an alcoholic root beer called “Not Your Father’s Root Beer.” This  alcohol-laden soda is here to remind us that we’re all still really children making jokes at Thanksgiving about “having a beer” while our horrified family gawks in silence.

The beer packaging looks like a painfully trendy wet dream come true. Features include a moustachioed circus ringmaster complete with bowler cap, three piece suit, plus cane standing next to a wooden barrel we assume is from the turn of the century. Mmm.

The slogan? “Ale with the taste of spices.” Yum, taste that pretension running right down your throat and gently kiss that dapper gent for all he’s done for you.

Taste wise, it's pretty good. For those of you that like root beer, this is the real deal in a glass bottle: fizzy, prickly warm, sweet with spicy sweet notes like the middle of fall or whatever else you associate root beer with. Alcohol percentage comes up to 5.9 percent, so a little more kick than what you’d expect from something so sugary, but not in the danger zone.

All in all, almost exactly the same taste you’ve come to expect from standard root beer. Just with a sort of musky alcoholic undertone to it all.

While it’s good on its own, for maximum greatness you’re gonna need to make a float. Stick a pint glass in the freezer until it’s frosty, put in one scoop of vanilla ice cream, twirl a large helping of whipped cream on top, and put a little cherry on top for yourself. Get ready for this shit to rock your world.