What it's like to be a hotel maid (hint: drugs)
A hotel maid comes clean about the inner workings of picking up after the general public.
How often do people tip?
"Not often enough! Maybe 15 percent of guests tip the housekeeper."
Should we leave a tip?
"Absolutely! You tip a bellman to bring your bags to your room. That takes five minutes. You tip a valet to park your car. Again, under five minutes. It can take anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour to clean a room. A couple of dollars a day or $5 if you’re really messy would suffice."
When you stay in a hotel, what are you most worried about not being clean?
"Probably the sheets because that’s the only thing your whole body comes in contact with."
What pisses you off the most about hotel guests?
"I have to say that 90 percent of guests are great. But a few lack manners and can be disrespectful, not only to housekeepers but the entire staff. We’re happy to help — just be nice! Chances are, the
nicer you are, the more likely you are to get free upgrades, free amenities, etc."
Have you ever walked in on anyone doing something inappropriate?
"I’ve walked in on things I shouldn’t have walked in on, yes. Lock your doors, folks!"
Don’t be shy. What did you walk in on?
"People having sex — totally appropriate for a hotel, but not something I need to see."
People are strange creatures. What do you hate most about hotel guests?
"When a guest is missing something, they immediately accuse the housekeeper of stealing. Most of the time, whatever they’re 'missing' is right where they left it."
Who else would it be? Come on, what did you steal?
"NOTHING! I once had a lady accuse me of using her eye shadow. Most recently, I was called to a room where a woman swore up and down that her purse was gone and that the housekeeper had taken it. She swore she searched the room. Low and behold, it was hanging on the back of the bathroom door the entire time. I’ve had people accuse housekeepers of taking things out of their suitcase only to call us when they get home to find that they never even brought that item with them."
Alright, maybe you don’t steal. But you probably find some weird shit. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve come across when cleaning a room?
"I don’t know ... an entire bed covered in gay porno mags. Is that weird? All sorts of sex toys including a swing, but is that weird? Nothing seems strange to me anymore. One time I came across a bathtub full of water and miscellaneous vegetables. Lettuce, potatoes, carrots. No idea why."
Probably some of those farm-to-table people. And what about the most disgusting thing you’ve seen?
"Poop. Lots and lots of poop everywhere. In the bathroom, on the toilet, on the bathroom floor, on the carpet, the bed, the walls. I have no idea how or why."
Do you ever just come across bags of drugs and wonder what you’ve gotten yourself into? Or maybe bags of money?
"No. Occasionally drugs but never a huge amount and nothing too hardcore."
Drugs huh? We’ll talk later. We have a suspicion people are pretty dirty. Is that the case?
"Yes. You have to wonder what their homes look like."
How often do the bastards steal shit from your cleaning cart?
"Multiple times daily."
If we take the towels, would the hotel ever know?
Do you ever say 'fuck it' and jump on the beds?
"Only on the new mattresses to make sure they’re up to the task."